(and Why It’s Actually Feminism)
I never thought I’d be the girl sharing her story on the internet. Showing her stretch marks. Revealing the body she tries so hard to hide.
But here we are. And honestly? Owning it feels like one of the most honest things I have ever done.
It’s not just about the body. It's somewhere beyond image.
It’s about taking control of my own narrative, my own transformation, my own self.
I'm past validation.
I need results.
What am I actually trying to repair?
My full body audit? Where I'm starting from and what I'm actually trying to address?
This is the part that’s hardest to write. Not because I don’t know what’s wrong (I do) but because saying it all out loud makes it real.
I have multiple herniated discs, both in my neck and lower back. Every disc in my cervical spine is completely herniated into a complete cervical kyphosis. The three lowest discs in my lumbar spine are slipped. Making simple things like sitting too long or lifting my kids feel impossible some days. My neck leans slightly to the right, my right hip sits higher, and it throws off everything from my shoulder to my knee. The pain isn’t the normal kind. It’s the kind that lingers, that stabs deep inside the bones.
My core never came back after pregnancy. The diastasis recti, the split in my abdomen, left me with a stomach that hangs forward. The fascia (the internal structure that’s supposed to hold everything together) feels stretched and torn.
And it’s not just my core. My stomach skin sags, pulling down my whole posture. My boobs have lost their shape and volume, sitting lower, heavier, like they belong to someone older than me. My glutes have flattened, my hips feel uneven, and even when I train consistently, it’s like the muscle can’t find its form again.
It’s wild how physical imbalance becomes emotional. I don’t fully recognize my body anymore. Not in my reflection, not in photos, not even in clothes. I keep adjusting myself, hiding angles, pretending it’s fine. But it’s not.
This isn’t a self-hate thing. It’s a self-honesty thing. I want my body back (or maybe forward) to something that feels aligned, functional, and mine.
So this is my baseline. This is everything I’m starting from: the ripped fascia, separated abs, sagging skin, damaged spine, elevated hip, damaged shoulder, sagging boobs, and dragging stomach that weigh down more than just my posture.
It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth. And this is where my real transformation begins.